Where is the light!

I just don't see it... I am scared! I Feel my tunnel is never ending, and it is very dark. NO light in the distnace to make me feel like I am doing some good. I feel like I am just causing more and more trouble, no one seems to like me around much anymore, my life is falling apart and i dont know how to stop it. I just want something good to happen, just one good thing! why am I the one getting all this crappy stuff happening? Dont I deserve to be happy too? I Work so hard, and I give to everyone else... why cant I have someone, something, anything good happen... this is when i feel at my lowest, when its like nothing will get better... I just need a little glimpse of hope, something that shows it is all worth it. I have gone thru so much shit my entire life, when is it going to change? why cant i have something good damnit... I dont want to cry anymore. I Want to smaile for real not just to pretend to everyone I am ok... I Want to laugh and be happy, i want to scream at the top of my lungs I LOVE MY LIFE!!!! but that is not happening, I have fallen deeper into my darkness and I am having a lot of trouble getting back out, I am scared I wont be able to and I Will end up staying there for the rest of my life and I cant handle the thought of that... I cry everyday wishing the tears would just wash it allaway... but it is still there... i can close my eyes and picture great things but then I have to open them again and realize it was all a dream.... THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!